http://www.jhu.edu/virtlab/bridge/bridge.htm
"When it seems impossible, when it seems like nothing is going to work, you're usually just a few millimeters away from making it happen." -Tony Robbins
For example in golf, with the driver all it takes is a dimple towards the toe and you hit a ball that curves five yards left of target (pending you face to path and face angle are square at impact). According to a plastic surgeon, geometry in the face is what makes some people more appealing than others. All it takes is a few millimeters off and we perceive that person's face as average.
Think of urges as a scale from -10 to 10 where a -10 is the worst thing in the world and the a 10 is the best thing ever. For example, at positive 10, you see that moist delicious cake with chocolate covered on it and it just tastes amazing. At a 4 (which is average craving) you see a cake that is cold, but it tastes good. If you could assign a negative value, at a -2, you see the cake's grease and think that you wouldn't want that going down your throat and into your stomach. At a negative -10 you feel as if the cake is going to make you sick for days on end with food poisoning, you'd have to visit the hospital and you'd have to throw up constantly, you'd never eat it. The fear of loss or the fear of injury really motivates, "I've got to get this done or I will fail."
Ask yourself what is the quality of the experience that I want to be having. Assign yourself a numerical value and then ask yourself, "what value do I want it to be?" You might not want it to be a 10, you may think that I need it to at least be a level 8. Then you ask what condition would I need to create in myself or in the environment to make more of my needs: certainty/comfort, uncertainty/ variety, significance, connection/love, growth, contribution. What would I have to notice, appreciate, what would I have to do with myself? what would I have to think and focus on to have ultimate success at a level 8 or beyond.
You have to have certainty that when you ask yourself the question "what would it have to take to become a level 8?" You might answer this question starting off saying, "I don't know," and that's ok because then you ask yourself, "I know I don't, but if I did what would it be?" You have to decide in advance what conditions I need to have within myself to experience a 10, what would I need to feel, experience, see, hear.
You have to start at your assigned value and describe the feelings in small increments (ex: start at 2, then describe what it's like at 5, then describe what it's like at 8.
You might ask this
Incantations >>> Affirmations because incantations are basking in emotions and using physiological cues to say how much you love this thing. You have to control your internal dialogue by creating a new incantation with tremendous energy and emotion, really .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=KuzHxaLq9Lg&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAqRUzrrmb4&NR=1&feature=endscreen
"No one has a higher demand on themselves than I have on me. I don't compete with other people, I compete with what the best I can possibly be. Because if I compete with other people, I'm only gonna push myself so hard." -Michael Jordan
If every day, you demanded more from yourself than anyone else could expect of you, if it wasn't the standards of what other people think, but the standards of what you are capable of, if that was the "must" for you not the "should," then would you eat differently every day? If you came home tired, yet you still had that must that you exude love and passion to your spouse or friend every day and have a higher standard on yourself than your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse could ever imagine. If that was the standard for yourself, how would you show up on a daily basis in your relationship? People who are the best at an area of life have those standards.
Someday never comes. State is everything. Who you associate to is who you will become.
You can have such a high standard that you can lead your friends to higher standards.
Any emotion you're feeling is just a pattern.
If you weren't really sad when someone died then something is wrong with you. There are other cultures that set death as the beginning.
The belief cycle:
beliefs-->potential --> action --> results --> beliefs --> potential
little belief causes little potential which causes little results, feeding into less belief, less potential, less action, and even worse results.
If your back isn't against the wall then you don't have to have the belief that you must get a job or you must get good grades. You may think that you "should" get something done, but we rarely get those things done because we will always focus on our "musts" in life, whatever they may be for you. Obviously if your back is up against the wall you have an incredibly strong belief system because you know you have to find a way out and you will do whatever it takes. You have to have the results already in your head. You have to have absolute certainty about what you will achieve. Practice is not enough. It's getting yourself certain so many times that when you go to do it there is no hesitancy and you execute. Absolute certainty makes you tap into your potential take massive action, get massive results, and be reinforced to having stronger beliefs. We are defined by our rituals, if we do something for a few minutes each day we change our life forever.
If you have a compelling vision and strong enough reasons to push you through the tough times, you're gonna do things other people don't do. You then review and feel it every day
Everyone in life gets their musts. The "should" list doesn't get things done, because it sets up a low expectation cycle where if you don't get it done then you aren't so frustrated or it becomes an identity, we follow through on who we believe we are. How many years ago did they come up with what they can and can't do in their life? Joy comes when you are spontaneous. That's when the real you comes alive. Wants don't get met consistently, standards do. It's not so much it's expanding your identity. Rituals are where the power is. When looking at the most successful people look at what standards they hold themselves to and what little rituals they do everyday. All the little rituals add up. Have little rituals, little surprise rituals that are different from everyone else.
The secret to happiness is to keep growing/ progress. Push requires willpower and willpower never lasts. Having something so exciting, so attractive, something that you desire so much that you can barely wait to get up in the morning. When you are in a stadium with 50,000 people there is suddenly an intensity and we feel that consciously and/or subconsciously (Ex: Going to the library to study is easier because there is a studying vibe that we feel either consciously or subconsciously). Bottom line, our follow through comes from our emotional intensity. You have to have strong enough reasons to push yourself through to get through the tough times. You don't let the fear take you over when you have strong enough reasons. They can be positive or negative reasons. "If I don't do this, this is what it will cost me," "if I do do this, this is what I'll gain" Reasons come, first answers come second.
Step 1: select an area of your life you would like to improve and describe what that area is like for you currently. Be specific.
Step 2: write down all the rituals that have shaped your current conditions in this area. Be honest!
Step 3: Write down what you want. What's your compelling vision? Be specific.
Step 4: write down the rituals that will get you your compelling vision. what would you need to do differently every day to get what you want? It usually happens at the same time so be aware of these things. Once you discipline yourself in one area of your life you get it in other areas.
When you started thinking about this one thing you wanted so bad constantly without fear, you started noticing things making distinctions and ideas come to you. You got there because you were so hungry so clear. That's not to say that just thinking about things positively will always get you what you want.
Tony Robbins on being ready
The point where you say "that's it, no more" is where you actually face you fears and actually change.
One thing to get rid of fear is to find within yourself something you fear more. Give yourself no choice but to take action.
You must take massive action and face your fear multiple times until you finally realize that that tension in your body, that sweat on your hands, that shaking feeling is just your body preparing for action. You can give these feelings a fear connotation or you can give these feelings a "getting ready" connotation.
Almost all of us get stuck at times, where something stops us, something prevents us from doing something that we are really capable of doing. Whether its turning around our body or shifting a relationship or turning oaround our finances or even just being happy or fulfilled on a different level, we get stuck with a belief of how we are not supposed to be. What we are not supposed to do, what people won't accept, what we are not capable of. Or maybe we get stuck in an emotional pattern of being pissed off or frustrated or worried or sad or overwhelmed. Sometimes we get stuck in some habits of doing things a certain way. And what that breakthrough really is, is that moment in time where there's an opening. And that opening in time can come from a conversation, it can come from meeting someone that inspires you, it can come from insight, it can come from watching a movie and being moved emotionally at just that right moment. It usually comes because something clicked inside of us, something snapped us and made us look at life through a different filter and a different way. And you know its a real breakthrough because you take that little insight, distinction or moment or maybe even that big emotion inside of you that says "no more, I'm going to change this" and suddenly you do something to make your life better. You break out of the impossibility that life has to be this way, or life is controlling me, and you start to take back control of your life, you start to make the shift that creates the quality of life that you really deserve
Everybody experiences extreme stress at some point in their life, I don't care who we are. Something happens outside our control and it hits our life and it knocks us on our tail. It might be a health stress, or it could be something with your family, it could be economic, career related, it could be emotional, or an environmental situation. Everyone of us in our lifetimes will experience extreme stress and these days, because of the economy and the way we respond to it, the majority of people are experiencing some form of extreme stress. Stress doesn't come from the facts, it comes from the meaning that we give the facts. Yes those things have happened, but the real question is, if we fight whats happened, we've got a problem. We've gotta decide, what are we gonna do with whats happened in our life. How are we gonna take this, how are we gonna mold this, how are we gonna turn our life around? Because when you come up with a new meaning, you come up with a new life.
In this session we are gonna take a look at something in a different perspective. we are going to ask ourselves, "what is the single force that controls the quality of your life." If there was one gift the creator/ universe (whatever you believe) has given us, what is the one power that you have right now in this moment that can change everything? You have it, I have it, we all have it, it's that one singular individual power that can change anything in our life regardless of whats happened to us. And I know you know the answer, the answer is the power of choice. The one thing that we have in this world is choice; we can't control the events, but we can choose what to focus, we can choose what things mean, and we can choose what to do. Those 3 choices/ decisions really control our life. It's not so much the conditions of our life, that control our destiny as it is our decisions that control our life. Try to think about your life and just think about, are there a few decisions that ask you two decisions you've made in your life, if you would've made a different decision you would have a totally different life. Life may have been better or worse, but I just want you to see the power of a decision. How is life better today because of a decision you've made years ago, not just negative ones. Sometimes a little decision can change your life. For example, one day you decide to go to a school and you go to that school to eat someplace and you happen to meet the love of your life. Or you meet someone and you decide as a result of that that you're gonna become a photographer, engineer, dentist, whatever! They impacted you, but you made the decision, that is what I really want, that is what my life's gonna be about. And that decision has affected so much of your life, what you do, how you live your life, how you spend your life, what you earn, or don't earn, who you attract into your life, the beliefs you have, these all come from little decisions. What you decide to eat from your dinner plate each night certainly determines your physical destiny. At least to a certain extent, I know some of it is genetics, but I'm talking about the stuff you and I can control. So decisions = destiny. Its not our conditions, its our decisions. so if you want a new life, if you want new experiences, you've gotta make new choices. If you don't like the way your career is or your business is, change it! If you don't like your body, change it! If you don't like your relationships, change you first, because if you change "it" you'll bring you to the next one. Maybe its time to change the relationship to, but change yourself first.
If you want to change anything in your life, you have the choice, so there's no right or wrong. I just want to make you aware that everything in our life changes the moment we make a decision. And I mean a real decision, a decision is when you cut off all other possibilities and commit to something with everything you've got and you take action. Big decisions start with little decisions like "what are you gonna focus on?" Because whatever you focus on you are going to feel. If you focus on all the things that have been done to you in your life, of course you are going to feel like hell. If you focus on all the amazing coincidences that have happened, maybe they were guided or not, but things happen and because of that you met this person that's your best friend, your husband, your wife, or because of that you have this ability, or because you weren't there that day you missed an accident. I don't know what it is, but whatever you focus on you're going to feel. If you focus on people don't care and you look for reasons why they don't care and evidence they don't care, you'll find it everywhere. If you look for evidence that people are really good people inside, and that at some level we all care about each other, you'll find it. "Seek and you shall find." The secret is, you have to become conscious about your decision making. New life comes from new choices, but you've got to make conscious choices (7:00). When you make decisions about what to focus on and what things mean and what to do and you're unconscious, you get pretty terrible results usually. We've all done this, I do it still, we all do, but if you want to change your results you've got to be more conscious in your decision making. So think about it, what you focus on you will feel.
The second decision you make is "what do things mean?" So you focus something someone does and you come up with a meaning, and the meaning is for example: "no one loves me" "they're trying to take advantage of me." Depending on what meaning you come up with and you get to choose the meaning of anything, for some people they say this situation with the economy and what that means is "I'm going broke." Somebody else said "the situation that happened with the economy, guess what that means i'm going to work harder, going to be more creative, we're gonna change everything, everyone else is gonna quit, so we're gonna dominate the marketplace." So is this the end right now or is this the beginning? Whether its the end or the beginning is your choice, you get to decide. (death is just another path, one that we must all take). See once you make up a meaning, its true. If you think of this as the end of a relationship, are you gonna treat that person the same way as if it was the beginning of a relationship? No way. In fact I tell people if you wanna have a great relationship, think about this; treat people like you did at the beginning of the relationship and they're won't be an end. In the beginning of a relationship, when somebody says to you "take out the trash" you say "of course I'll take out the trash!" You're happy to do anything, right? But after about 6 months or 6 years you're like "what you mean take out the trash, do i look like your janitor?" The meaning we give things is very different and so we feel different and our life is different. In the beginning you'll do anything for someone, now you make up a new meaning, "why should I have to do that for them?"
Little choices like what to believe about yourself, what to believe about other people whether this is the end or the beginning, start to affect your whole life. And the third decision we make, we decide what to focus on, most of us unconsciously, we decide what things mean, and the third thing is we decide what we're gonna do. We decide to quit because its overwhelming, we decide to get strong and focus, we decide to turn it around, we decide to wait and see, ultimately your destiny is determined by what you do (9:20).
"When it seems impossible, when it seems like nothing is going to work, you're usually just a few millimeters away from making it happen." -Tony Robbins
For example in golf, with the driver all it takes is a dimple towards the toe and you hit a ball that curves five yards left of target (pending you face to path and face angle are square at impact). According to a plastic surgeon, geometry in the face is what makes some people more appealing than others. All it takes is a few millimeters off and we perceive that person's face as average.
Think of urges as a scale from -10 to 10 where a -10 is the worst thing in the world and the a 10 is the best thing ever. For example, at positive 10, you see that moist delicious cake with chocolate covered on it and it just tastes amazing. At a 4 (which is average craving) you see a cake that is cold, but it tastes good. If you could assign a negative value, at a -2, you see the cake's grease and think that you wouldn't want that going down your throat and into your stomach. At a negative -10 you feel as if the cake is going to make you sick for days on end with food poisoning, you'd have to visit the hospital and you'd have to throw up constantly, you'd never eat it. The fear of loss or the fear of injury really motivates, "I've got to get this done or I will fail."
Ask yourself what is the quality of the experience that I want to be having. Assign yourself a numerical value and then ask yourself, "what value do I want it to be?" You might not want it to be a 10, you may think that I need it to at least be a level 8. Then you ask what condition would I need to create in myself or in the environment to make more of my needs: certainty/comfort, uncertainty/ variety, significance, connection/love, growth, contribution. What would I have to notice, appreciate, what would I have to do with myself? what would I have to think and focus on to have ultimate success at a level 8 or beyond.
You have to have certainty that when you ask yourself the question "what would it have to take to become a level 8?" You might answer this question starting off saying, "I don't know," and that's ok because then you ask yourself, "I know I don't, but if I did what would it be?" You have to decide in advance what conditions I need to have within myself to experience a 10, what would I need to feel, experience, see, hear.
- step 1: assign a numerical value to where you are
- step 2: ask "how do I want to feel?" describe some of those feelings
- step 3: give these feelings a numerical value, ie: "it's gonna be a level 8 experience"
- step 4: "What are the conditions that I can control, not "I'll be happy if you do everything I want" Then go do that!
You have to start at your assigned value and describe the feelings in small increments (ex: start at 2, then describe what it's like at 5, then describe what it's like at 8.
You might ask this
Incantations >>> Affirmations because incantations are basking in emotions and using physiological cues to say how much you love this thing. You have to control your internal dialogue by creating a new incantation with tremendous energy and emotion, really .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=KuzHxaLq9Lg&NR=1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAqRUzrrmb4&NR=1&feature=endscreen
"No one has a higher demand on themselves than I have on me. I don't compete with other people, I compete with what the best I can possibly be. Because if I compete with other people, I'm only gonna push myself so hard." -Michael Jordan
If every day, you demanded more from yourself than anyone else could expect of you, if it wasn't the standards of what other people think, but the standards of what you are capable of, if that was the "must" for you not the "should," then would you eat differently every day? If you came home tired, yet you still had that must that you exude love and passion to your spouse or friend every day and have a higher standard on yourself than your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse could ever imagine. If that was the standard for yourself, how would you show up on a daily basis in your relationship? People who are the best at an area of life have those standards.
Someday never comes. State is everything. Who you associate to is who you will become.
You can have such a high standard that you can lead your friends to higher standards.
Any emotion you're feeling is just a pattern.
If you weren't really sad when someone died then something is wrong with you. There are other cultures that set death as the beginning.
The belief cycle:
beliefs-->potential --> action --> results --> beliefs --> potential
little belief causes little potential which causes little results, feeding into less belief, less potential, less action, and even worse results.
If your back isn't against the wall then you don't have to have the belief that you must get a job or you must get good grades. You may think that you "should" get something done, but we rarely get those things done because we will always focus on our "musts" in life, whatever they may be for you. Obviously if your back is up against the wall you have an incredibly strong belief system because you know you have to find a way out and you will do whatever it takes. You have to have the results already in your head. You have to have absolute certainty about what you will achieve. Practice is not enough. It's getting yourself certain so many times that when you go to do it there is no hesitancy and you execute. Absolute certainty makes you tap into your potential take massive action, get massive results, and be reinforced to having stronger beliefs. We are defined by our rituals, if we do something for a few minutes each day we change our life forever.
If you have a compelling vision and strong enough reasons to push you through the tough times, you're gonna do things other people don't do. You then review and feel it every day
Everyone in life gets their musts. The "should" list doesn't get things done, because it sets up a low expectation cycle where if you don't get it done then you aren't so frustrated or it becomes an identity, we follow through on who we believe we are. How many years ago did they come up with what they can and can't do in their life? Joy comes when you are spontaneous. That's when the real you comes alive. Wants don't get met consistently, standards do. It's not so much it's expanding your identity. Rituals are where the power is. When looking at the most successful people look at what standards they hold themselves to and what little rituals they do everyday. All the little rituals add up. Have little rituals, little surprise rituals that are different from everyone else.
The secret to happiness is to keep growing/ progress. Push requires willpower and willpower never lasts. Having something so exciting, so attractive, something that you desire so much that you can barely wait to get up in the morning. When you are in a stadium with 50,000 people there is suddenly an intensity and we feel that consciously and/or subconsciously (Ex: Going to the library to study is easier because there is a studying vibe that we feel either consciously or subconsciously). Bottom line, our follow through comes from our emotional intensity. You have to have strong enough reasons to push yourself through to get through the tough times. You don't let the fear take you over when you have strong enough reasons. They can be positive or negative reasons. "If I don't do this, this is what it will cost me," "if I do do this, this is what I'll gain" Reasons come, first answers come second.
Step 1: select an area of your life you would like to improve and describe what that area is like for you currently. Be specific.
Step 2: write down all the rituals that have shaped your current conditions in this area. Be honest!
Step 3: Write down what you want. What's your compelling vision? Be specific.
Step 4: write down the rituals that will get you your compelling vision. what would you need to do differently every day to get what you want? It usually happens at the same time so be aware of these things. Once you discipline yourself in one area of your life you get it in other areas.
When you started thinking about this one thing you wanted so bad constantly without fear, you started noticing things making distinctions and ideas come to you. You got there because you were so hungry so clear. That's not to say that just thinking about things positively will always get you what you want.
Tony Robbins on being ready
The point where you say "that's it, no more" is where you actually face you fears and actually change.
One thing to get rid of fear is to find within yourself something you fear more. Give yourself no choice but to take action.
You must take massive action and face your fear multiple times until you finally realize that that tension in your body, that sweat on your hands, that shaking feeling is just your body preparing for action. You can give these feelings a fear connotation or you can give these feelings a "getting ready" connotation.
Almost all of us get stuck at times, where something stops us, something prevents us from doing something that we are really capable of doing. Whether its turning around our body or shifting a relationship or turning oaround our finances or even just being happy or fulfilled on a different level, we get stuck with a belief of how we are not supposed to be. What we are not supposed to do, what people won't accept, what we are not capable of. Or maybe we get stuck in an emotional pattern of being pissed off or frustrated or worried or sad or overwhelmed. Sometimes we get stuck in some habits of doing things a certain way. And what that breakthrough really is, is that moment in time where there's an opening. And that opening in time can come from a conversation, it can come from meeting someone that inspires you, it can come from insight, it can come from watching a movie and being moved emotionally at just that right moment. It usually comes because something clicked inside of us, something snapped us and made us look at life through a different filter and a different way. And you know its a real breakthrough because you take that little insight, distinction or moment or maybe even that big emotion inside of you that says "no more, I'm going to change this" and suddenly you do something to make your life better. You break out of the impossibility that life has to be this way, or life is controlling me, and you start to take back control of your life, you start to make the shift that creates the quality of life that you really deserve
Everybody experiences extreme stress at some point in their life, I don't care who we are. Something happens outside our control and it hits our life and it knocks us on our tail. It might be a health stress, or it could be something with your family, it could be economic, career related, it could be emotional, or an environmental situation. Everyone of us in our lifetimes will experience extreme stress and these days, because of the economy and the way we respond to it, the majority of people are experiencing some form of extreme stress. Stress doesn't come from the facts, it comes from the meaning that we give the facts. Yes those things have happened, but the real question is, if we fight whats happened, we've got a problem. We've gotta decide, what are we gonna do with whats happened in our life. How are we gonna take this, how are we gonna mold this, how are we gonna turn our life around? Because when you come up with a new meaning, you come up with a new life.
In this session we are gonna take a look at something in a different perspective. we are going to ask ourselves, "what is the single force that controls the quality of your life." If there was one gift the creator/ universe (whatever you believe) has given us, what is the one power that you have right now in this moment that can change everything? You have it, I have it, we all have it, it's that one singular individual power that can change anything in our life regardless of whats happened to us. And I know you know the answer, the answer is the power of choice. The one thing that we have in this world is choice; we can't control the events, but we can choose what to focus, we can choose what things mean, and we can choose what to do. Those 3 choices/ decisions really control our life. It's not so much the conditions of our life, that control our destiny as it is our decisions that control our life. Try to think about your life and just think about, are there a few decisions that ask you two decisions you've made in your life, if you would've made a different decision you would have a totally different life. Life may have been better or worse, but I just want you to see the power of a decision. How is life better today because of a decision you've made years ago, not just negative ones. Sometimes a little decision can change your life. For example, one day you decide to go to a school and you go to that school to eat someplace and you happen to meet the love of your life. Or you meet someone and you decide as a result of that that you're gonna become a photographer, engineer, dentist, whatever! They impacted you, but you made the decision, that is what I really want, that is what my life's gonna be about. And that decision has affected so much of your life, what you do, how you live your life, how you spend your life, what you earn, or don't earn, who you attract into your life, the beliefs you have, these all come from little decisions. What you decide to eat from your dinner plate each night certainly determines your physical destiny. At least to a certain extent, I know some of it is genetics, but I'm talking about the stuff you and I can control. So decisions = destiny. Its not our conditions, its our decisions. so if you want a new life, if you want new experiences, you've gotta make new choices. If you don't like the way your career is or your business is, change it! If you don't like your body, change it! If you don't like your relationships, change you first, because if you change "it" you'll bring you to the next one. Maybe its time to change the relationship to, but change yourself first.
If you want to change anything in your life, you have the choice, so there's no right or wrong. I just want to make you aware that everything in our life changes the moment we make a decision. And I mean a real decision, a decision is when you cut off all other possibilities and commit to something with everything you've got and you take action. Big decisions start with little decisions like "what are you gonna focus on?" Because whatever you focus on you are going to feel. If you focus on all the things that have been done to you in your life, of course you are going to feel like hell. If you focus on all the amazing coincidences that have happened, maybe they were guided or not, but things happen and because of that you met this person that's your best friend, your husband, your wife, or because of that you have this ability, or because you weren't there that day you missed an accident. I don't know what it is, but whatever you focus on you're going to feel. If you focus on people don't care and you look for reasons why they don't care and evidence they don't care, you'll find it everywhere. If you look for evidence that people are really good people inside, and that at some level we all care about each other, you'll find it. "Seek and you shall find." The secret is, you have to become conscious about your decision making. New life comes from new choices, but you've got to make conscious choices (7:00). When you make decisions about what to focus on and what things mean and what to do and you're unconscious, you get pretty terrible results usually. We've all done this, I do it still, we all do, but if you want to change your results you've got to be more conscious in your decision making. So think about it, what you focus on you will feel.
The second decision you make is "what do things mean?" So you focus something someone does and you come up with a meaning, and the meaning is for example: "no one loves me" "they're trying to take advantage of me." Depending on what meaning you come up with and you get to choose the meaning of anything, for some people they say this situation with the economy and what that means is "I'm going broke." Somebody else said "the situation that happened with the economy, guess what that means i'm going to work harder, going to be more creative, we're gonna change everything, everyone else is gonna quit, so we're gonna dominate the marketplace." So is this the end right now or is this the beginning? Whether its the end or the beginning is your choice, you get to decide. (death is just another path, one that we must all take). See once you make up a meaning, its true. If you think of this as the end of a relationship, are you gonna treat that person the same way as if it was the beginning of a relationship? No way. In fact I tell people if you wanna have a great relationship, think about this; treat people like you did at the beginning of the relationship and they're won't be an end. In the beginning of a relationship, when somebody says to you "take out the trash" you say "of course I'll take out the trash!" You're happy to do anything, right? But after about 6 months or 6 years you're like "what you mean take out the trash, do i look like your janitor?" The meaning we give things is very different and so we feel different and our life is different. In the beginning you'll do anything for someone, now you make up a new meaning, "why should I have to do that for them?"
Little choices like what to believe about yourself, what to believe about other people whether this is the end or the beginning, start to affect your whole life. And the third decision we make, we decide what to focus on, most of us unconsciously, we decide what things mean, and the third thing is we decide what we're gonna do. We decide to quit because its overwhelming, we decide to get strong and focus, we decide to turn it around, we decide to wait and see, ultimately your destiny is determined by what you do (9:20).
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